Friday, April 25, 2008

What do Toilets and Drifting Have in Common?

I hope I can pull this one off. It wont be easy but let me give it a shot.

I have been saying for years now that one of the biggest challenges facing this civilization is the deal with toilets. Namely, using them. I have discussed at length my observations about how the Muslim world views the simple act of taking a dump.

I can tell you that some of the most disgusting places in this area to visit are the bathrooms. For some strange reason these guys, for the most part, seem to want to use Eastern style toilets, AKA holes in the ground. Now I will freely admit that some bathrooms in the States are very disgusting, but for the sake of this argument, I would like to confine my comments to the types of bathrooms which are generally sanitary and clean, not the truck stop type with no bowl lids and un-flushed crap in the water.

OK, so assume we are talking about a very reasonably well kept bathroom, one that is washed several times per day by a good janitor and is fitting to sit your ass on it. Imagine any toilet you wouldn’t mind sitting on without a minor wipe of the seat. Ok. A decent crapper.

So that is what we have here where I work. A clean, normal, decent crapper. But actually not so much. You see, they will not use the crapper like a normal person uses the crapper. They feel compelled to try to straddle the crapper rather than sit on it. What do I mean by that? Imagine walking towards the crapper, but rather than turning around and sitting on it, you walk right toward the crapper and put your feet on the lid. Yes, you STAND on the toilet. Imagine yourself facing a toilet, if you are a guy, you would be standing there about to piss in it. But instead of turning around and sitting down, you step forward, and place your right foot on the right side of the lid and your left foot on the left side. Got that?

Now to maintain balance you have to hug the toilet reservoir. So there you are, facing the wall, standing backward on the toilet bowl, hugging the reservoir, ready to take a dump. You complete the dump and now Phase II begins.

A full body wash down.

It seems like 1000 gallons of water is used, and deposited on the floor after every Number 2 movement. The Niagara Falls pales in comparison to the amount of water consumed by these guys to “wash up” after taking a simple deuce. You can literally track the person who last used the toilet by following the wet footstep marks left on the carpet. Seriously.

What does any of that have to do with Drifting?

Not that much actually, which is why I acknowledged it would be hard to tie together.

OK, I will have to get back to drifting another time. I wrote this earlier this week and lost my train of thought.

Today was OK. We drove to Pagman, high in the hills. I will write about this tomorrow as I really don’t feel like writing it now. We drove for about 2 hours each way to get there and it is 1925 and I haven’t done anything. I have some cool pictures to post. I may change my mind and post it tonight, but I doubt it.



Blogger nanc said...


i'm seriously LMSS! i'd only heard about this strange phenom up until this point in time and now you give me firsthand info - walt, this is a gem.

wouldn't it be much more sanitary and in tune with being good hosts if you'd just dig them a hole in the ground at some location far from yours?

i believe i'd hold it for a week before i'd follow them into the loo!


you're a brave soul...


<*8] partaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 6:05:00 PM GMT+3  

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