Friday, September 29, 2006

Scotland Bound

1230 Hours – Wed 27 Sep

Well, I am officially out of Iraq now. I am sitting aboard a choo choo from Oxford to Edinburgh. A series of unfortunate events has led me to be in the first class cabin. See, I had resolved to go on the cheap, but these events have made that impossible right now.

Chapter 1: It was a holy nightmare to line up everything I needed to do before I left. I was running around like crazy trying to find some body armor and a helmet for the flight. I don’t have my own and when I leave I normally fly civilian which doesn’t require any or I borrow and bring it back with me. Well I had to find someone that could give me some old used stuff that they didn’t need back. I finally did but it was a pain.

Chapter 2: I arrived at the LZ for the air-bridge at 0920. The bird finally showed up at about 1045 and got us to BIAP about 3 minutes later. Good thing because the C-130 was getting ready to leave without us. We made it though. Then the plane landed about 15 minutes later, it turns out that we had to stop at another base. So we sit there a while and the we take off and about 45 minutes later we land at yet another base and wait some more. Then we land at another airport. It turns out to be the right airport for me. So a few minutes after we deplane that one, we are all whisked on yet another C130 and sent to Qatar. We sit another 7 hours there on metal chairs with no AC and then we fly to the UK. I finally landed at 0900BST which was exactly about 26 hours since I started traveling.

Chapter 3: We end up waiting and waiting for a ride from Brize-Norton to Oxford (nearest place to catch a train). Well I get to the station at 1119 and now I have to figure out how exactly to get to Scotland. So I sorted it out and made it to the platform at 1133, the train arrived at 1134 and departed at 1135. Whew! (Another reason I would win Amazing Race hands down). Hopefully this makes sense because I haven’t slept in a long time. Well I get on the train, which cost me 79 pounds BTW, and it is standing room only. But I say hey no problem, it’s only six hours and I have agreed to go on the cheap so I will just suck it up. After about 3 rotations of the wheels I decide to upgrade. So now I have my lappy plugged in, a beer in my hand, no screaming kids and my only concern is that this really old lady up ahead of me is going to hack a lung out. I will let you know if the 50 pound upgrade was worth it in a minute, I have to walk back there and get another beer. I think that all the seats are gone and you don’t get a discount for standing.

So here is what I am thinking. They should add open air seating on the roof of the trains. They would have to modify a few bridges and whatnot but that isn’t hard. Anyway, they should rope off a perimeter on the roof of each cab and offer standing room only open air prices at a 50% discount, 75% if it is raining. It would totally work. Screw a few poles in for them to hang onto and presto! Plus the trains aren’t that fast so they would definitely survive. Get the cheapest cheapskates on the roof and out of my hair. The best part is you don’t even have to make them; they are naturally cheap so they will gravitate there anyway.

Ok so I was talking to a pom buddy of mine yesterday and he became the 3rd pom to say that Brits have lost a lot of their patriotism. I wouldn’t have thought so but 3 different ones have told me the same thing. What do you think? Next pom question. Are they aloof, hard to approach, conceited even? I used to think so. What do you think?

Oh 1 tragedy already. I forgot to stock up on Copenhagen before I left. Guess what? They don’t sell it in England. What a joke. So I will have my sis priority FedEx me some.

Oh I just found out that I could have waited an hour to catch the next train and would have made it in at the same time as me anyway. *Mental note for Amazing Race. I could have used that time to divert other teams to worse trains* **Better yet, I could get them to follow me onto trains going the opposite direction and then jump off at the last second and watch them sail away in the wrong direction**


1319 Hours – Wed 27 Sep

Ok, that was just way too freaky. We pulled into a train stop and sat there for like 15 minutes. When we started to leave they were going backwards, back the way we came. So I was freaking out. Was I supposed to change trains or what? Turns out that this train makes 3 direction changes on the trip and you don’t have to swap trains. Who ever heard of that? So I had to change my seat so I am looking forward again and the lady with the deadly virus changed too, apparently she like riding racing backwards. What a freak.

Oh yeah, from now on, I am flying. Screw this crap. They are lucky I can speak their language or I wouldn’t even bother with all this nonsense. Maybe one day I will understand their language. Maybe they will start speaking English for a change. HAHAHA!



Sunday, September 24, 2006

Final Iraq Post

Adios Iraq.

This will probably be the last post I make from Iraq. I may come back on another contract but as it stands now, I am done.

I can honestly say that Iraq has had the most profound impact on my life that I can remember. Losing loved ones is profound, making major career changes is profound, many things are profound. Iraq is leaps and bounds more profound. I can honestly say that I am leaving this place a changed man.

The other day I wrote about my most surreal moment in Iraq. Today I had a new one. I was laying out at the pool around midday and the “Giant Voice” went off. It was a warning that I had never heard once in over 900 days. It was a warning that today, there was a threat of indirect fire attack on the embassy. So there I am laying at the pool, sun blazing on my face, and they decide to inform me that today, contrary to every other day since I got to Iraq, that a mortar or rocket might impact the embassy. I have heard many hundreds of explosions maybe nearer to 1000, and they choose the second to last day to broadcast this? What a joke. So I flipped and got some sun on my back. Not everybody flipped, some stayed sunny side up, and others went to get cold water. The hilarious thing is that the guys playing water-basketball didn’t even stop to listen to the announcement.

The reason I make mention of days is because I had wanted to stay long enough to throw a “1001 nights” in Baghdad party. Someone else threw a 1000 night party. As it is, I will have to settle for 992 nights and there will be no party. I will simply pack my bags and go. I will depart and someone will replace me and they will get to experience a little bit of what I have experienced for the last nearly 3 years.

I will miss the people I know, the excitement of the work and the general environment. I will miss the random things that happen. But I will not miss Iraq. I am happy to go. I have done my time and then some. It is now time to move on and see what else is out there.

I was hoping that I would have something more exciting to talk about when I left but I fear this is about all I can say at this point. Not being one for much drama I am just going to go. I have done as much as I can do here and I am looking forward to a much needed 5 week vacation and then a reunion with my family in SC. I am looking forward to my repatriation.

I can say that Iraq has given me the opportunity to meet people from all over the world as well as travel it, it’s given me lessons in trust and comprehension, compassion and composure, and it has given me a new perspective on the Middle East (to say the least). I am changed, hopefully for the better, and I will look back fondly on the time I spent here. Am I sad to go? Yes. Am I eager to leave? Definitely.

Tomorrow, when I write my out of office auto-reply, I will not be sad, I will be happily looking forward to my vacation and to my future back in the States or wherever destiny pulls me.

So, goodbye to my friends, my hooch and a country I love. Goodbye Baghdad, and finally, goodbye Iraq. It has been an experience.


Wednesday, September 20, 2006


OK. I did not make this up. Some Marine in Iraq did, but I like his concept so I decided to steal it and give you my answers to the questions he posed to himself. I would give him credit by way of a link or something, but I don’t anything. I got the email by way of one of my many friends that send me everything in the world. He gave his answers and I just erasing them and giving you mine.

Worst Case of Déjà Vu – I had a major case of ground hog day and could have sworn that I had already lived this day before. I went to work in the morning seriously believing that I didn’t need to because I had already done it.

Most Surreal Moment – Running for cover during a multiple mortar strike and yelling at a girlfriend not to drop the 2 6-packs of beer.

Most Profound Man in Iraq – I can’t really answer that. He would be one of the many Iraqi friends I have made over the years that risk their lives to earn a living working with the coalition.

Worst City – I would say Fallujah but when I was there it wasn’t so bad. I have to go with Taji because that is the only place I have been really shot at. Baghdad would be a cliché answer.

Bravest Guy – I can’t name him, but an Iraqi that stood up to Moqtada Al Sadr and helped coalition forces in Najaf.

Second Bravest Guy – All the civilian truck drivers.

Best Piece of U.S. Gear – Hmmm, the Marine said he liked the body armor but I am going with the UH-60 Blackhawk. Man I love to fly rather than drive.

Best Piece of Bad Guy Gear – EFP. They devised the Explosive Formed Projectiles (read shape charged IEDs) that have inflicted serious damage on coalition forces.

Worst E-Mail Message – I got an email from a buddy telling me that the compound he was staying in has come under direct assault.

Biggest Surprise – Bumping into several soldiers that I had trained or had been the platoon leader of in a past life.

Greatest Vindication – Not letting some particularly unruly Iraqi assholes park in my parking lot. Also, I got to deny entry to the Green Zone to an American journalist that was giving the guards a world of shit.

Biggest Mystery – I can’t really think of one, sorry.

Second Biggest Mystery I can’t think of another, sorry.
Favorite Iraqi TV Show – I can’t remember the name but it is a huge hit. It is like the Arab version of MTV. They show videos of super hot Arabic chicks singing.

Coolest Insurgent Act – Some Iraqis get awarded US contracts then vanish with the start-up money. No way to find them and they made out like fat cats.

Most Memorable Scene – Ahh, so many. I have to go with the time I was sitting on the tarmac at the LZ under a camo net and 5 minutes after a rocket landed I saw glimpses of an Apache landing while popping flares.

Highest Unit Re-enlistment Rate - NA

Most Surprising Thing I Don't Miss – TV. I miss some shows, but by and large I am not too upset to not have many channels.

Worst Smell - Porta-johns in 120 degree heat - and that's 120 degrees outside of the porta-john. That is what the Marine wrote and I have to agree.

Highest Temperature – Around 140 in Baghdad, 150 in Dubai and 154 in Kuwait.

Biggest Hassle – Badges. You have to have a badge to do anything. Getting them is a pain in the ass. Hauling them around is a pain in the ass. Oh yeah, and getting to BIAP.

Biggest Outrage – The negative press about progress in Iraq.

Best Intel Work – Digging around in the abandoned zoo looking for tunnels into the Green Zone. I didn’t find any.

Saddest Moment – No answer.

Biggest Ass-Chewing – When I was at CPA a dickhead LTC showed up. The boss wasn’t around so I called another COL and asked him if he wanted a LTC (In Hillah). My intent was to get him shipped out to Hillah before the boss knew he had another man. Just as the convoy was about to depart with him, the boss found out and made him stay. I got my ass chewed by the COL for offering a LTC that wasn’t available, I got my ass chewed by the LTC for trying to get rid of him 5 minutes after he got here and it got chewed by my boss for the above mentioned reasons. He ended up being my assistant. Yes I said that correctly.

Best Chuck Norris Moment – A buddy of mine was being shaken down by the translator of an Army officer. A buddy covered me and I ran up and took his photo and told him he would be sorry if he ever came back. (Long story short)

Worst Sound – Explosions of any sort.

Second Worst Sound – Rockets going overhead.
Only Thing Better in Iraq Than in the U.S. – Hookhas.

Proudest Moment – Working the tally floor in the 05 elections guarding the ballots. The workers were able to vote and it was so joyful to watch them sing and dance when they all got the purple finger.

Happiest Moment – When a beloved family was allowed to move to the US. I will see him and his family soon.

Most Common Thought – How hot it is and whether or not I am ever going to get out of here.

So that is it. Here is a personal favorite picture. I took this at a dinner I attended.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Leaving and other thoughts

So I got to watch the season premiere of the Amazing Race. I have to say that the first episode did not impress me. I was also slightly amazed to learn that this is the 10th or 11th season. The last season I saw in its entirety was season 7. Not much has changed except that they appear to have selected the teams based not so much on ability but more so on classification. What I mean is this; they have (had) a muslim team, a single black mom team, a gay team, an Indian team, a South Carolina hot chick team, a beauty pageant team etc. So what this means is that it looks like they are pulling a “Survivor” to gain ratings. When I finally apply to win the Amazing Race I hope I do not have to come up with a silly gimmick. The good news is that my racing partner would be a dude that has also served in Iraq. Maybe we could play the Iraq War Veteran card to get on the show. Time will tell. I still think we will both have to hide our true passports and lie about our language skills because otherwise we are way too well traveled and would be leaps and bounds better than the next best team. You guys all want to see me win the Amazing Race, I know it. Trust me, if they put me on there, I just made 1M dollars. No doubts. Maybe some show executive will read this and think I am challenging them and put me on just to se if I will sink or swim. I hope so. Also, I (we) have to make a less than 3 minute video tape to present to the show. If any of you are in that line of work (making videos), let me know. I am happy to pay to have a great quality, edited, and original VHS tape to present to the show.

Anyway, they installed a new Giant Voice system near my hooch. I still can’t hear it clearly in my hooch even though I am less than 100 meters away. At least I can hear that something is being said and can make it to the door before they repeat the message. The first message I heard tonight was something about “securing valuables and moving to the nearest exit”. That one was a new one on me. Well it turns out that they are testing the system. So I keep hearing all these weird announcements and it is quite unnerving. They have an email system called “All Hands Alerts” that they send to anyone on the network. They send messages about power outages, water outages, religious services, pretty much everything. Maybe they could have sent one saying they would be testing the system. Would that have been so hard? Anyway, now when I hear it I don’t know if I should care or go back to watching TV. I think I will choose the latter.

I am leaving in about 8 days! I can hardly believe it. I don’t know what to think. I know that I am flying to London and then I will fly via a cheap ticket on Ryan Air to Holland. I will stay about a week in Holland and then I am flying to Ireland. I am staying at a friend’s house there and I may get to attend the Marine Ball while I am there. I guess I will have to pack a suit after all. After that I think I will go to London for a night or 2 and then I am going to head south to Monkey World. What a great place. I didn’t get to go there last time but now I have the time. Then on 21 Oct I catch my cruise from Southampton to Florida.

I am thankful that I didn’t mail all of my belongings back yet. I was almost going to mail my drivers license but that would have sucked because I intend on hiring a car and driving it from FL to SC. Good thing I kept it in my other wallet. You see, one doesn’t need a wallet here. Everyone wears these things around their neck that carries everything from passport to money to ID cards. Needless to say, a state issued drivers permit is of no use in Iraq. So I carry this thing around my neck and it has my DOD card, my Embassy ID, my Iraqi weapons permit ETC ETC ETC. Well I was going to mail it all back but then I found it in my wallet. I was also happy to find 500GBP in the wallet as well. Apparently I forgot to cash that out before I left England the last time. So now I have about 1000$ to spend when I get there. Free money. Not only that but once I sell my personal weapon, my Walther P99, I should fetch an additional 1000$. That should cover me for a few days at least. 2 grand of free money as I see it.

Tomorrow I part with my beloved ice cream maker. My mom sent it to me but I will not be mailing it home. More costly I think than the purchase price to mail it home. I will spray paint 110V on it and give it, along with some rock salt and condensed milk to a buddy of mine.

My buddy got back from Jordan the other day. I gave him 30 bucks to buy me some Dead Sea products. He got me some soap and salts and mud. He robbed me by taking the by 2 get one free for himself but he will be forgiven. After all he had to pack mule all that crap so he deserves something.

I was going to go to Nepal myself but I decided to make a family event of it. I think a nice family reunion trekking to Base Camp would be cool. So far my family isn’t too keen. I think it is a great idea. What other family do you know that can say they climbed Everest? Not all the way mind you, but climbing to base camp is no small accomplishment. I hope they will agree to come but if not, off I go. I have enough frequent flyer miles for about 3 round-trip tickets anywhere in the world first class. I might as well use them. I also have enough points at Sheraton for about 15 free nights. I doubt Sheraton has a big presence in Nepal, but who knows and who cares? It is cheap anyway.

So that is about it. I just watched Water boy and am about to pick up Angels and Devils. So far it is pretty decent. I like it better than DaVinci code so far.



Sunday, September 17, 2006


I am starting to think I should go to Nepal rather than England. After all, I have been to England and Scotland for that matter. But I have not been to Base Camp in Nepal. I have some Gurkha friends and could stay in Katmandu. Maybe I will change my plans. At the same time though, I haven’t been to Ireland and I want to go there as well. Bottom line is that I have no idea what I am going to do in about 10 days.

No matter though, because anything will be better than this place. Maybe I will stick with my original plans. After all, it is a lot easier to get from Ireland to Southampton than friggin Nepal to Southampton. But the draw of a 23000 foot trek is strong. I need some good time off and maybe the Himalayas are the right medicine. I would go to India and approach from the opposite direction but I am not a big fan of India. I would totally go there, but I would rather be in the Maldives than say, Delhi, and that is such a long flight.

Anyway, I am rambling. What do you guys think? UK or Nepal? Maybe Tibet, but that is nothing but Tuk-Tuks and crowds. I would rather go to Angkor-Wat in Cambodia than Tibet, depending on the spot. How did I shift from UK to Asia, I don’t know. The UK bores me I think. Yes there is cool stuff to see, but at the same time it is boring and snobby. Oh well, I need to experience it so I will probably go there. That way I can say I spent 3 weeks touring all of Great Britain and get a better feel of the place. If anyone starts talking politics I can always break out the dreaded “I am Canadian” card. That shuts most people up and prevents you from having to engage in political conversations.


Saturday, September 16, 2006


What a wonderfully uneventful day. Some days are uneventful but today was remarkably uneventful and it was great. I finalized my cruise reservation, which was easy and now I am set to determine my 3 weeks before the cruise.

As it appears, I will spend a few days in London, then a few in Scotland and Ireland then I will fly to Holland and then France. All of that is subject to change as has much of my vacation thus far.

Anyway, I finished reading the Blowback novel by Brad Thor and am now reading a book by Barbara Michaels called Black Rainbow. It is starting to remind me of Atlas Shrugged in that I am 185 pages in and am still waiting for it to get interesting. So far it is pretty much a quasi-sappy romance that needs some killing or something. Oh well, I am half the way done so I will finish it.

So Survivor was cool. The black team had to vote someone off because they lost. They are idiots. They had 3 chicks and 2 dudes and voted a dude off. Duh! Now you have only 1 dude to help to pass the physically hard challenges. They had an inept chick they could have voted off and still kept the stronger dude. Bad mistake. I am guessing that choice will cost the black team the win.

The Asian team won the first challenge and the Hispanic team came in second. The whites finished third but should have finished fourth as badly as they played. Anyway, the Chinese look strong as do the Hispanics, but the whites look poor and blacks look worse. At this point, my money is on the Hispanics. They don’t seem to have the stupid “we are doing this for our people” attitude that the blacks have and they also don’t have the “we need to show the world that Asians are strong” attitude that the Asians have and they don’t have the “we are white so of course we will win” attitude that the whites have. Time will, however, tell.

I thought of another reason why I will be happy to be back in the States. Pringles. I get Pringles here, but I yearn for a can that has not traveled 8 thousand miles and has a few unbroken chips in it. Don’t get me wrong, I dig my ranch flavored Pringles, but I would like them more if 90% weren’t broken.

Anyway, tomorrow I am opening my 27 year old Scotch. A few of us are going to hit the pool and have some Cuban cigars and drink it as a farewell to me. I should be in Scotland soon so I will buy a 50 – 100 year old bottle to open upon my return to the States.

I am down to about 9 or 10 days now and the reality that I am leaving my home of almost 3 years is starting to sink in. It really is bittersweet. Oh well, I can’t stay here forever and at least I am going to a cool place.


Friday, September 15, 2006

Reality TV

I didn’t hear a single explosion today which is good. I don’t watch the news so maybe something happened but it is my quasi day off so I didn’t really check. All I know is that I didn’t hear anything.

I mailed some more stuff back. My hooch is pretty empty now. I gave away a lot of stuff that just isn’t worth mailing back. I finished another book by Brad Thor called Blowback. It was good. It is a little unrealistic but fun to read and I look forward to the next one.

The MWR café has a moderate assortment of books so hopefully I can find the next book and read it. At any rate, I will soon be out of here and will access to real bookstores and will be able to read whatever I want, not what was left behind by others.

I am anxiously awaiting the first episode of the newest Survivor. I think it already aired in the States but I haven’t seen it. Supposedly they break the teams down by race. What an awesome promotional campaign. I bet some people are up in arms over this and I find that the most entertaining. I think it is a great idea. Outwit, outlast, outplay. I can’t wait to see the finish.

They are also about to start a new Amazing Race. I am too late to enter, but I will apply for the next season. And if I apply, I will be selected, and if I am selected, I will win, of that there is no doubt. I can’t wait to walk away with that 1M dollars. The guy that I will race with is perhaps more capable than me of winning which just doubles our chance to win. I actually feel sorry for anyone that has to race against us. I just hope they do away with the equalizers. I think they should just let us go and whoever makes it to the finish line first wins.

So I am just killing some time. Survivor comes on in a few minutes. I hope there is a Reality TV Network when I get back. I would totally subscribe. I love that stuff. Anyway.


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Illegal Invasion

Sorry for the delay in posting. Things have been rather hectic what with me trying to get of here and all.

Well I have to say this yet again. DO NOT BUY AN ALIENWARE computer. You will be so sorry and you will regret it. I sent my computer back for the 3rd time for repair because it would not turn on. They promised me that they would replace all the major components and that it would undergo a rigorous test to make sure it worked before they sent it back to me. I called them about 3 days ago and had them change the mailing address to my parents house because they said it would be another 20 days before it would be fixed. Well I would be gone from here and I didn’t want them to mail it here. They said “no problem”. Well. Today I got the computer HERE in Iraq. That means that at the time they told me it would take 20 days to fix, it was already in the mail and they didn’t even know it. So then I get it and take it to my hooch. Guess what? It wouldn’t turn on. They didn’t do a goddam thing to it. So now I have to spend another freaking 75$ to mail the thing back for the 4th time. I have only had this computer in my possession for 20 days out of the last 10 months because it is constantly going back for repair. My computer has almost as many frequent flyer miles as the Pope for god sake. You should not buy one. I promise you that.

Anyway, everyone was going around screaming that Iran forced Syria to force Hezbollah to attack Israel to divert attention from their nuclear program right? Wrong. The Mexicans forced Iran to force Syria to force Hezbollah to attack Israel to divert attention from the illegal immigration issue. They must have promised Iran all the free tacos they could handle or threatened to start sending out maps with ways to illegally cross into Iran. Seriously. What has happened with this? Why don’t we have a wall or some other physical barrier? Why can’t we redeploy our troops from Korea and Germany and stick them on the Border? I will tell you why, it is because of PC bullshit. The politicians are too scared to offend anyone and are never going to do anything about the problem.

I have heard more news about some friggin bolts that astronauts dropped than the illegal immigration issue. Who hasn’t dropped a doggone bolt before? I had to listen to at least an hour of newspeople on Fox drone on and on about Anna Nicole Smiths dead son. Not only did I not know she had a son, but I don’t care. Tell me Fox News, what is being done about the border? That is what I want to know.

Anyway, a buddy of mine is in Jordan now. He is visiting the Dead Sea. He will have such a great time. I have said this before, but you guys need to go there. It is the coolest thing. You know those garage crawlers that mechanics use to get under cars? Well skydivers use them to practice moves for when they jump. You can do the same thing in the Dead Sea. You can have your feet and arms sticking up out of the water and spin around on your belly without sinking. It is so cool. You can also pick up huge rocks and toss them around underwater like on strong man competitions. Don’t get it in your eyes though.

Lots of explosions this morning and a few yesterday. They were pretty much all outside the Green Zone I think but I didn’t cross reference the grids. They didn’t get me so I am happy. It seems like Operation whatever in Baghdad is not going quite as well as I thought. I guess it is better than it was because at least I am not having anything land at my feet.

Other than that, not much new. I am still waiting to sort out my cruise. I am so happy about it. It is not going to cost me that much because the money my company would have spent on airfare will be spent on the cruise. My out of pocket is about what it would have cost me to upgrade to first class. I figure it is better spent on a 14 day cruise. The downside is that I am going to have to fly back to England the same way as before. Uggggg! Oh well. Can’t really complain about a free ride. OK, yes I can, but not too much.


Saturday, September 09, 2006


More explosions have occurred in the past few days. Some of them have been very loud and pretty close. It will be good to get a break from here.

I had to make a change in my plans to return. I had planned on sailing aboard the Queen Mary 2 at the end of this month, but they are almost fully booked. The only room left is Q2 which is a deluxe 4 bedroom apartment room and the price is 19,000$. I don't think so. So what I have decided to do is wait a bit and catch a cruise in late October. I will depart Iraq at the end of the month and stay with a few friends. I should be able to stay a week in Ireland, 4 days in Holland, 4 days in the South of France, and then a week or so in London.

I won't have to pay for hotels so it should be just a chill time to see the sights and catch up with some old friends. Then I will take a Royal Caribbean 14 night cruise back. I think it stops in Spain and then some places near Costa Rica. It should be fun. It winds up in Florida rather than New York so I will rent a convertible (if it isn't too cold) and drive to South Carolina. I am looking forward to it.

So I am reading a new book . It is called Messenger by Edward Lee. I am not sure why I picked it up but I am sorry that I did. The guy is a freak. If you are into really psychotic sexual type horror novels, or if you are just a freak, then you would like this one. The guy needs help. Some of the stuff he writes about make me seriously worry about him going out and killing people. He needs psychiatric help badly. So does anyone that likes this book.

Anyway. My dad just bought a 20 foot Triton with a 200hp engine. It is a cool boat. He is a freak about fishing. Some of it rubbed off but not that much. I get him a gift certificate to Bass Pro every year for Christmas and his birthday. Everyone else tries to run around and figure out what he wants, not me, I just get him a big gift certificate and I know that is what he really wants. I can't wait to get back and hit a Bass Pro. Anyway.

So I am going to traipse around Europe for a bit and then head back. I like that plan. I can chill and then chill some more on the cruise and then chill some more at home. No bombs, no arabs, no screeching prayer calls. Just me, a pool and some cool climate. I can definitely deal with that.


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

My First Fan Mail

This is great. I just saw this posted by an “anonymous” person. It's funny that he used the word “coward” in this statement, but must remain “anonymous”.

Anyway, here is the comment. I am so happy because this is my first genuinely hateful post so I will take time to address the points “he” tries to make. He says:

smacking others people children? harassing and abusing women in the malls? insulting and making fun of other people's national costume and calling them radical fanatic because u racist hate their religion? what an impudent stranger a$$!ppl like u r not welcome and u such cunts must be ban from entering our countries. and yes u dumb rednick did not liberate ANYTHING it was the cowards money sucker curropted politicians who let the terrorist warmania us and british troops to participate and kill iraqi civilians and kids and destoryed the envairument with their ugly subhuman concentrated uranium weapons. i know ur going to call me (trrorist)or (radical)what ever because this is not the comment u would like to hear u hater r so pathetic. :) hating ppl just coz they r not poor or have some money is no good .

I never smacked anyones children. I was about to smack a child and she would have deserved it but I didn't.

I have never harassed or abused a woman anywhere. Why would you say that?

I do not make fun of the ninja suit because I am a racist, I make fun of it because Muslim men are so pathetic and insecure that they feel the only way to keep their women from leaving their sorry asses is by concealing them. If you were half a man and had an ounce of respect for your women, you would not make them wear 30 pounds of all black woolen clothing in 140 degree heat. But you are not a man, you are a coward, and you are afraid that if anyone sees your woman they will rape her. Just as you would rape women and go whoring all the while denouncing it. You are a man that would be 47 years old, live at home with mommy and daddy, have no job or a shitty one, be fat, bald, stinky, and ugly, yet be unwilling to marry a divorced woman because you think she is below you. You need to get over your lack of self esteem and allow women to wear whatever the hell they want to. You are a pathetic, insecure, jealous, freak.

“I dumb rednick” did not liberate anything you say? I presume you are referring to a comment I made that the US liberated Kuwait. In that case I have to state that you obviously have no clue what the hell you are talking about. Surely you will agree that Kuwait was liberated by someone from the invasion by Saddam? Guess what, it wasn't the French. It also wasn't the Lithuanians. It was the United States of America. (with some help). If you cannot admit that the USA kicked your Iraqi ass out of Kuwait, you need help. As much as I dislike the ungrateful Kuwaitis, I do applaud the ones that fed rat poison the Iraqi soldiers that occupied their country, stole their resources, sank their ships and destroyed their infrastructure.

We don't use “concentrated uranium weapons”. We use depleted uranium munitions. Some such munitions include the 25MM round and the 120MM Sabot. Subhuman is a bit melodramatic don't you think? Which is worse? A 25MM depleted uranium round aimed directly center mass of a terrorist with an RPG or a suicide bomber that blows himself up in a children's school? Destroy the environment? What about Saddam setting the oilfields to fire? I think that might be a worse disaster than a few depleted uranium rounds.

u r not welcome and u such cunts must be ban from entering our countries

Fair enough. And all Muslims should therefore be banned from entering mine right? Or should they be banned from leaving yours? Either way is fine with me. You stop being a bunch of religious lunatics and we will stop having to come over and kick your ass.

I don't think you are in Iraq but if you are feel free to send me your phone number and I can arrange to call you and discuss the matter. Better yet, send me a grid coordinate if you know how to read a map you ignorant fool.

Side note. I really enjoyed making that post. I hope that you guys will like it. I know I did. Anyway.

My friend here gave me a movie to watch. It is called “Ichi the Killer”. I asked him to bet me 50 dollars that it wouldn't suck. He wouldn't. He also wouldn't agree to eat 10 lemons if it sucked. He finally agreed to eat 5 mangoes if it sucked. Well I am about 1 hour into it and I have to say that he is about to be a mango eater. This is one of the stupidest movies I have ever uhh watched (suffered thru is more accurate). It is stupid. It is one of those Japanese movies with English speech. Those Japanese can sure come up with some stupid ass movies and this is one of them. 1.5 billion thumbs down from me on behalf of Japan.


Monday, September 04, 2006

Jordanian BS

What the heck is going on in Jordan? I really hate to see that place affected by this Muslim BS. There are so many awesome sights to see in Jordan including this amphitheater where some Westerners were shot. What a joke. The radical Muslim assholes need to learn a lesson. I am reading a book called Path of the Assassin by Brad Thor. It is a really cool book so far. Basically the gist of it is that the US president was taken hostage, some SF guys tried to get him back, they were ambushed in a trap, another rescue was planned and now this 1 dude is trying to avenge the deaths of the guys that were ambushed. In a nutshell. Anyway, there is a sub-plot. There is an Israeli group which had decided to implement terror tactics to take revenge on the Muslim extremists. This group launches TOW missiles at mosques and kills a bunch of “innocent” Muslims.

Now, I know this sounds crazy, but let's just say that we killed 10,000 Muslims for every US citizen killed by Muslims. After a while I think they would stop killing US citizens. ( Or they would all disappear, either way we win.)

Anyway, Iraq would be a great place to visit if it weren't so dangerous. I was at a small hotel in Baghdad that had a tourist map left from the 80s that showed all the good places to visit. There really are a lot of great sights to see here. It is my great desire to return here with my family or friends and show them what it is like and show them the ancient cities I have seen. That will be in like 400 years, but I hope it happens.

Ok, and what about Lebanon? So there are some Frogs and some UN there to “Observe the cease-fire”. What the hell does that mean? To me it sounds a lot like Srebrenica and another fiasco waiting to happen. What about a UN force that goes in to I don't know DISARM Hezbollah? Wouldn't that help a little? I can see it now... “Ohh la la, a Hezbollah man has a rocket, and he is walking behind that wall”... “Boom”... “Oh monsier, I did not zee anything.”

Anyway. I had some cool dinner tonight. It was veal and green beans with some celery with Ranch dressing and for the first time they had braised kelp. I haven't had that in decades. I had seconds of it. One thing I can't complain about is the food. It is really good here. If I was on MREs there is no way I could have survived this long. They also have a new fruit bar and I had some grapes and a few slices of very decent mango and a couple pieces of kiwi fruit.

Well anyway, that is all for now. Oh, I might not go to Holland. I think I will fly back to the UK and take a 6 day trans-Atlantic on the Queen Mary 2 back to Jersey and then rent a car and drive south. I am 50/50 right now. We shall see.


No title

I had heard a song that kept repeating the words “pussycat”, but I didn't know the singer. Well I just saw the video and apparently it is Brittany Murphy. What a song. I also saw the Paris video. I LOVE Paris but that song is awful, I had to mute it and just watch her. I wish the Pussycat song was showing Paris. Anyway, that Brittany song is awesome. I am totally going to buy that CD.

Someone said earlier that I had been watching too much Final Destination. They may be right. This morning 3 huge explosions went off and woke me up. I totally can't help thinking that it would be just my luck to stay here nearly 3 years and get whacked in the last month.

Also, I heard some dudes at dinner (steak and lobster BTW) talking about how long they had been here. 1 dude said “How long you been here now?”, the other dude said “Bro, about 40 days man, and I got another 50 to go.” I nearly spit my food out. I got nearly as many months as you got days, stop bitching you fag. They were exchanging war stories that were to say the least, sub-standard.

Anyway I have to run. You guys have fun. Back in the States soon.


Saturday, September 02, 2006

Black Continent

Keeping a blog is hard work. I find that on some nights I have to invent things just to have a post. Tonight I was considering doing a drive by but not shooting, but I got an email from a dude that has a chick that is really cool and he noted that I am consistent in my blogging and I do not want to let him down.

So I will just relay the events of my day. I hit the pool. I swam some laps and worked on my tan. I am happy that I will have a decent tan when I get back to the States. I have to say that the States seem as unfamiliar to me as Mongolia at the present.

I have chatted with many people on, for example Drudge, and they seem as alien to me as Iraqis. I am struck by the ineptitude of some people to comprehend certain basic facts. I do not know what to expect when I return. I hope that the people I meet are not crazies like I met on Drudge. I hope that the Drudge crazies are just trying to get attention but I fear they actually believe the crap they espouse.

Somebody told me or I heard that if you are not a liberal when you are 20 that you don't have a heart and that if you are not a Republican when you are 30 that you don't have a brain. DR is case in point of that assessment.

Anyway. I have asked my beautiful South African friend to accompany me back to the States on a trans-Atlantic cruise from France. I hope she will accept my offer. She is an awesome girl and I would love to introduce her to my family. My sis already met her in Scotland and agrees with me. Maybe I could make her a real “African-American”

Anyway, that is about it.


Friday, September 01, 2006

My bad mood post

Deleted paragraph about my deal here.

I can hardly manage to think about anything other than that, work, and getting out of here.

But, I did manage. What is the deal with people that wear headphones that are so loud you can hear them 20 feet away with other music playing? I was swimming laps and I could hear this dudes iPod almost 20 feet away. He is going to go deaf. Why not just buy a freaking radio and play it. You are not doing anyone any favors by sticking those 15 inch woofers in your ear. We can still hear it.

You know what else annoys me? People that use hands free ear things to talk on cell phones. They talk so damn loud and they are just standing there shouting into thin air. Get a life.

A buddy of mine and I were talking at the pool today about Iran and the Middle East. My greatest wish is that we just nuke Iran and others and be done with the place, but he presented me with an option B and I like it. He proposed that if he were president he would make it a mission of the countries scientists to develop an alternative fuel source. No expense would be spared. It would be similar in scope to landing a man on the moon. We are both convinced that this could happen. We have the smartest dudes on the planet and we could for damn sure come up with an engine that runs on something other than doggone oil. I actually believe we have, but that a vast conspiracy exists to shield us from this knowledge. We can land a satellite on a doggone meteor or asteroid or whatever it was but we can't make a flammable liquid other than gasoline? I think not.

Anyway, he says to get another form of fuel and be done with this place. I agree 100%. That or nuke it. This was supposedly a “War for Oil”, I say good, take the damn oil. Run a pipeline to the US East coast and take every drop from Iraq. Well I guess we could let the coalition partners have some as well, at a discount. These people are doomed the instant the oil runs out anyway right? I doubt that date palms are going to sustain the Iraqi economy.

I just read my post. It appears that I am in a sour mood tonight. Oh well.

I caught the tail end of some movie where they were having a fight in France and the Statue of Liberty was fixing to be shipped to the US. Jackie Chan was in it. That struck me as pretty cool. I would have loved to live in those days. Before TV, before liberal PC bullshit, before all this touchy feely crap. What happened to times when if someone was a danger they were just killed? “Oh, you are a threat to my throne?, wham, beheaded” I like that. Now we have to crawl to the America hating UN to beg them to impose BS sanctions on someone. We should just assassinate that mofo or nuke them. I got your UN dangling.

Maybe I am in a worse mood than I thought. Maybe I shouldn't post this. My buddy today would not post this. I am not my buddy so here it is. I actually think it's funny and I love the fact that many of you might be outraged and hate me for it.


Oh I almost forgot, Poseidon sucked.